Wednesday, September 5, 2012

How you can help!

Hello friends and family!

Tomorrow is the big day...we leave for China at 4 a.m.! Flight leaves Austin, connects through Chicago, and then on to Beijing. We go to Guangzhou Sunday and pick up our sweet boy on Monday at 2:30 local time, which is 1:30 a.m. CDT. Watch your email and Facebook and we'll post photos as soon as we can.

Annie is very excited to be a big sister. Grammy is here now, and Mimi is taking weekend duties. Annie is nervous about us being gone so long, so please give her a little extra love when you see her.

A lot of people have asked how they can help, and we have two areas that would be huge. First, pray! Please pray for a healthy transition for Michael, no common orphanage cooties like lice, scabies, and giardia, on time and easy travel, and a fun trip.

Second, we need your understanding during the first weeks home with Michael. The bonding process for Michael to his Forever Family (that's us!) could be difficult. Some kids are really easy, some have a very difficult time, and most fall somewhere between the two in the spectrum. We are going to be very conservative and "cocoon" for a while until he starts showing positive signs of bonding.

Michael's life has been fairly consistent in regards to his caregivers and orphanage (we hope), but he has never had two parents as his sole care providers. He is used to being handed over between nannies for shifts and staff turnover. Plus, he will have a very traumatic handover from his nannies to us, then leave China to come to a strange home and people he doesn't know or understand. It's very important to view his life and homecoming from his perspective.

It is likely that he will not understand the American culture of "pass the baby;" to him it could mean that all of our wonderful friends and family are his caretakers, which could harm his bonding process with his parents. I am sad to say this process can take up to a year or longer.

Michael will hold his arms out to you to be picked up. What we perceive as a sign of a happy, secure and friendly child is actually a child that has been institutionalized since his first week of life and is not yet bonded to his parents. I'm sure he will like everybody, but the reaching out is a learned behavior from his orphanage days. The first signs of bonding will be constant checking in with us and anxiety about going to someone else.

We know it is exciting to hold him and give him the love and attention he desperately needs, but he needs to be held by his parents, sister and grandparents until he has made progress bonding. It is going to be hard to tell our friends and family no, so please be understanding! This child will be glued to us for several months, including at church, community group and social events. We feel that leaving him for even a short time will be detrimental. We don't know how long this period will last and will take it day by day.

We know there are several schools of thought and what we're doing may seem extreme. Other parents have not had a problem leaving their children with sitters, but every child is different and we feel this is the right plan for us at this time. We'll adjust as needed when we have a better grip on the situation. We hope you can respect if not support our method. It may not be the best plan for every family, but we believe this is best for Michael for the time being.

Thank you all for your prayers, love and support. Please keep Michael's nanny in your prayers, that she has peace in her heart that he has a big group of family and friends that already love him. Also, please keep Michael's birth mother in your hearts. She made an unimaginable decision that day she left him in a train station so he could have a better life with us.

Keep an eye on this blog and Facebook for Gotcha Day and trip news. We'll post whenever we are able. Our boy will be home September 21!!!

Sunday, August 12, 2012

On September 10, 2012...

On September 10, 2012...

...what was "then" is then, and what "will be" will be. A miracle starts with the beat of a heart. Everything changes. Loneliness ends and a new life begins.

There will be one less broken heart, one less orphan in the world on September 10, 2012.

On September 10, 2012, Hui Cheng De becomes Michael Andrew Graham!

Gotcha Day is the day we meet and adopt our Michael, and is now scheduled for September 10.

Our flights are booked, and we leave for Beijing September 6, arriving the 7th. We'll take a whirlwind tour of the Great Wall, Forbidden City, and Tiananmen Square. We will be in Guangzhou, a city of about 10 million people, on September 9, and spend a sleepless night waiting to meet our son. There are several stages of paperwork and appointments, then we travel to Hong Kong by train on the 20th, and head home on the 21st. Michael will be a U.S. citizen when we land in San Francisco, and a naturalized Texan on Friday, September 21.

We received our Travel Approval, the most anticipated and toughest wait of the year-long adoption journey, on Wednesday and confirmation of our U.S. Consulate appointment Friday. It's been a very emotional and hectic few days, and many, many tears of joy have been shed. 29 days until we see his beautiful face, and introduce him to a life he can't imagine.

God blessed us in an incredible way last week. Of the 1.3 billion people in China, a remarkable young man that is researching western adoption of Chinese-born children visited our home for dinner in July. This young man and his parents actually traveled to Michael's orphanage last weekend and spent some time with him. Please keep Torres and his family in your prayers. He gave us the greatest gift, and one that we could never hope to repay...27 pictures of our son, his crib, and nanny! We receive very little information and pictures as part of the normal process of adoption, and these pieces of his past will be critical in the forming of his identity in a few years. Torres and his family spent so much time interacting with our baby, and Torres explained all the photos in the book we sent in June to prepare Michael for his new life. This kind of interaction is so helpful for Michael, and we have some fabulous pictures!

This is Michael with his nanny. Please pray for this wonderful woman who loves and cares for Michael until we can take him home. She will grieve from the separation.


Torres telling Michael about the pictures of his family in the photo album.


Michael does NOT like to be put down. This is wonderful news since it means he's held A LOT!


Noted tactic:  all is well if he has a cookie!


The baby room at the orphanage. Michael's is the crib under the window and air conditioner.
We are happy to see it looks very clean, and are even happier it is air conditioned.
Right now it is about 110 degrees and 90% humidity where he lives.


Michael will be the same as other children in many ways, but he will also have some differences due to his complicated background. I encourage you to read the articles here to get a better understanding of the things we take for granted that Michael will learn, and how his background influences his thoughts and behavior.

We are incedibly blessed and lucky to bring this special child to our home. God has a unique plan for this child, and very specifically and persistently called us to go to him. Thank you for being a supportive part of this journey to bring Michael home!


John 14:18  "I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you."
1 Samuel 1:27  "I asked the Lord to give me this boy, and he has granted my request."

Thursday, August 2, 2012

Lists and lists and lists

I've found that I need to keep a series of list lately. Medicine to take to China, things to do there, packing lists, items needed for when we get home, shopping while we're there, and the to-do list, which I thought would get shorter. It hasn't. To give you a window into my world, here's a few of the running lists, and these are just excerpts!

Medications:
Advil-- it is almost impossible to find in China.
Benadryl--mellow babies have an easier plane trip home for everyone.
Nebulizer--pollution is really bad.
Allergy meds--see above
Hemorrhoid wipes--GOK what the food will do to us!
Antacids, nausea, gas meds--see above
Antibiotics--stomach infections and assorted cooties.

Foods we'd like to try:
Steamed buns
Dumplings
Duck
Tekila Mexican Restaurant in Guangzhou
American restaurant on Shamian Island, I think it is called Lucy's.

Foods that seem scary. Highly unlikely these will be tried:
Jellyfish
Eyeballs of any kind
Scorpions
Snakes
Feet or hooves
Beaks

Stuff to take:
Small toys and snacks.
Blanket I crocheted for Michael.
Bubbles, crayons and candy for Michael's friends at the orphanage.
Gifts for nannies and local officials.

To do:
Call the craniofacial surgeon and start dialog.
Follow up on unanswered email for the state adoption grant.
Round 2 of vaccinations. Thankfully the typhoid is done. That really hurt!
Start packing, then unpack because the bags are too heavy, then repack. Rinse, lather and repeat.
School supplies and clothes for Annie.
Make the Red Thread story board for my adoption shower.
Get lots and lots of cash, in crisp bills, for the in-country fees.

Pictures to take in China:
Michael with the Shamian Island orhpanage statues.
Michael with his nannies and orphanage director.
Michael's first meal and how much he eats.
Gotcha Day. Duh.
First steps with us.
Swimming.
First smiles.
Picture of the McDonald's menu. I've heard you can add squid or octopus to your Big Mac.
Pictures of signs with translation issues. I've seen a few that are priceless.

Things to do in China:
Visit Michael's orphanage.
Visit Tiananmen Square
Climb the Great Wall. Not all of it. We'd be there a while.
Visit the Forbidden City.
$15 massage in Beijing at hotel.
Go to silk, pearl and jade markets.
Ride in a rickshaw.
Guangzhou zoo to see the pandas.
Safari tour in Guangzhou.

Exciting stuff going on this weekend. You may remember that we were very blessed to share a meal at our home with a team of student researchers from China. These were the most impressive young people we have ever met, and will make a change for the orphans of China! They were researching American opinions on adoption and are planning to make a documentary of their visits in the US to help the Chinese people understand how much we love these babies! Understanding and acceptance of why Americans want special needs children will be a major culture change in China, so pray for these pioneering young people! One of the young men that visited our home is the son of an orphanage director in the same area as Michael's, and he is going to go visit our little man at his orphanage this weekend! Stay tuned for pictures and updates! Below is a photo of our friends from China, and fellow adoptive parents Mick and Tracy Hooper with their children Tai and Chance.



Now, I must make a list to keep track of all my lists!

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Our adoption as children of God

"Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the first fruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies." Romans 8:23

The adoption process is tough, whether you are waiting to be adopted, the adoptive parents, or a child of God still coming to Him. Even though as believers we are children of God, but still ache to be finally adopted as a child of God in Heaven. We wait for our Father to come pick us up, just as Michael and thousands upon thousands of the fatherless children of the world wait for their Forever Families. Thankfully, each of the "least of these" (Matthew 25:40) is loved and comforted by the Father.

Let's look at the verse from another angle, that of the adoptive parent. In our tiny microcosm dealing with only one child's adoption, we fill out countless and confusing forms, coordinate all the moving parts to prevent delays, and wait helplessly while bureaucrats decide if we are suitable parents for an abandoned child, all the while aching to hold our child and give him a life outside the cold, faceless institution. Our Father is the conductor of an infinite symphony of lives; what I see as the hand of God working in my life, non-believers may see as great luck or serendipity. He has always granted my requests, though not necessarily on my schedule or the method I would prefer, because He loves me more than I can fathom. He makes the sun shine for each of us, yet so many of our neighbors, friends and family have not given their lives to Him and the Son. And yet, He doesn't ever give up on us. He groans for our adoption, waiting for us and showing those who wish to see how much He loves us.

I read Romans 8:23 the other day while studying the Word on patience (of which I have none, but I am working on it!) and started thinking about the words describing our pain as we wait for our adoption as children of God. How painful this must be for the Father as he yearns for us. I know the emotional toll of waiting for our Michael, but cannot begin to understand what God must feel as he waits for millions worldwide to know Him.

God calls each of us to be his hands and feet (Mark 16: 15-16). He has given us unique gifts and resources to do his work and wants us to use them in the adoption of his children. As Christians, we all know the charge. The question is...how? What gift have you been given, and how can you use it for God's glory and purpose? Whatever you do, do it for the glory of God and receive His blessings.

If you are not a Christian, God yearns for you. I can tell you that a part of my heart is waiting to be filled, waiting for the moment my son enters my arms. I only feel a tiny bit of the ache that I believe God feels as he waits for you. I may not have all the answers you need to give your life to God, but I hope to be able to help.

Friday, May 11, 2012

We Wait

Isaiah 43:5 “I will bring your children from the east and gather you from the west.”
John 14:18 “I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you.”


I have two children.

After we gave up the dream of having a second child a few years ago, I never thought we'd be so blessed.

After all, we have one great kid already. That's so much more than other people can say, and much more than we deserve. She has my personality, my aunt's eyes, and Kevin's dimpled chin. A perfect representation of our blended lives, possessing our strengths and our flaws. She sleeps peacefully amid a pile of stuffed animals in her own bedroom, wrapped in the love of her family and loving Heavenly Father.

Our son sleeps in a room lined with metal cribs filled with hundreds of other abandoned children, half a world away. He has a few caretakers, but they are often busy with the other kids. He owns no toys, and likely has never been rocked to sleep. All alone in a city of millions, he sleeps while we go about our day. Soon, we hope, he will be moved into a smaller family unit environment in preparation to come home. For now, though, he has no idea we are on our way, much less what a family is like. I trust that Jesus is with him, just as He is with us, comforting him as he waits for his life to begin.

Michael's identity will be a complex and evolving web, but God will walk us through. It's hard to explain God's call to someone who's never heard or felt it, but He's asked us to walk this path, so we obey with trusting and glad hearts. Will Michael look in the mirror and see the country who rejected him, or the family that prayed for a son, this son? Will he resent his birth mother, or the family that took him out of China? Who will he be when we bring him home, and what kind of child and eventually man, will he be? We will wait for the answers.

We know so little about this child. What makes him laugh? Can he walk yet? What does he eat? Has he had a corrective procedure on his mouth yet? Is he getting the nutrition he needs to grow? We don't know, and we wait for news.

Today we find ourselves still waiting, not for knowledge of our child but for the approvals to make the journey to China. An document arrived yesterday, and now we are waiting for another letter from China before we can send off the next round of paperwork for his immigration and citizenship. So for now I obsessively check my phone and emails, waiting for the blessed message that the document has arrived at the adoption agency. For now I will stop circling the mailbox, waiting for the mailman to get out of my way! Every day is one long, painful step closer to the day God places my son in my arms.

So for now, we wait.